September 10, 2007

Crazy Sexy Cancer - The movie... ALIVE AND KICKING!!!

I was so blown away with the stuff I read on Kris Carr's website that I could not wait to see her documentary "Crazy Sexy Cancer". I have always been curious to see how other people related to the illness that affected me some years ago. Did we share the same fears and anxieties? How did their families cope? What was their routine like? How did they deal with doctor's appointments and hospital visits. Has their life changed in any way? How so? What do they expect from the future? How do they live the present? So many questions I've been asking myself... So I was dying to see how someone so close to me in age and, I think, in attitude, went through the same journey I went through right around the same time.

Since I was away when CSC aired on TLC, I recorded the documentary and watched with Blake once we got back from a weekend on the beach. I have to say I was a little tense when we started...and that really surprised me because I am usually so "cool" when talking about my experience with cancer...maybe it's because it's been five years since I had my surgery and treatment and I feel it's somewhat distant now. Maybe because now it seems more like a movie or a story about someone else than my daily life some years ago. But the documentary brought back all those memories that were dormant...all those emotions that were somewhat buried in my past and almost forgotten. But it was refreshing to be invaded by them once again. It was poweful; it was strange...
There was one thing I promised myself when I got sick and it was that I would never take anything for granted again...but now that some time has gone by, I have to kick myself sometimes when I lose my mind over small things, when I pay too much attention to things that deserve none. I am a loot better that I used be...but there is a lot of work to be done!!!

Watching CSC, I saw myself going through MRIs and CT scans with Kris. I saw myself every time she met with her doctor and every time she told herself it would be OK. And when I saw the look on her dad's face when he heard the good news from the doctor...I saw my dad there. And it broke my heart to imagine the pain that my parents went though. How devastated and clueless my whole family was when the bad news first hit us. I could relate to so many of Kris's experiences...and that was just amazing.

My fifth anniversary is coming up on October 22. I AM ALL CLEAR! I AM ALL CLEAR! ESTOU CURADA!!! Feels so good to say that... October will be a very important month, no doubt. It'll be also our first anniversary -- Blake and I had our civil/courthouse.proxy marriage on October 19 2006 and on October 24 I will have my green card interview. So many things to look forward to...

Yes, I am alive and kicking!!!! :)

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